“What can I do to find love?”
“What is the best strategy to meet a life partner?”
“How do you help people looking for a relationship?”
“What is your best advice for singles looking for love?”
When I moved to Sweden, I was often asked these questions. I reflected and analysed my decade of matchmaking and coaching singles and came to an answer, which I can now lay out for you… the 4 steps to love.
This is it in a nutshell:
Rather than just hunting for the perfect match, this is a conscious approach to help you meet love.
This love, I have described as the boring kind of love that is safe, secure, healthy and sustainable. From which, there is a stable foundation for adventure, excitement, exploration, pain, growth and a shared future combining individual dreams and desires.
Your previous experiences of love, starting from childhood, have shaped who you are and how you love today.
Most people are unconsciously falling into the same patterns over and over again. Being attracted to ‘the wrong people’; giving too much and feeling unappreciated; adapting and feeling unseen... It often seems to me that we are programmed to act in ways that result in the opposite of what we truly need.
A way to break these patterns is to reflect on where they started – where did you learn that? With more awareness you can start taking more helpful actions that not only fulfil your core needs but start to heal the source of the pattern.
Reflecting on your childhood.
Reflect on your romantic relationships
The best strategy to find a long-term partner is to be more you.
It might seem very simple but a huge challenge when trying to start a relationship, is adapting: Being what we think other’s want of us. However, our most attractive version is our authentic self.
One way to be your authentic self, which the relate app supports well, is to work out you values, practice living life with your values at heart so that you meet potential partners with shared values.
Another aspect to live an authentic life, is about living now! Many put life on hold, until you meet a partner, for example. However, life is happening now, and you are more likely to meet your partner if you are there, now.
You have all heard of people falling in love. Don’t be one of them. Instead, consciously select partners who fulfil your core relationship requirements and who can meet your deeper needs.
In this final step, rather than passively waiting for love to knock you off your feet, I suggest taking conscious action towards the love you desire, whilst keeping in mind steps 1 – 3.
And by conscious action, I mean the most helpful (and healthy) action towards your purpose.
This could be taking a dating detox for a month to reboot and focus on self-care. It could be reaching out to friends for introductions, joining singles networks, going to interesting events, personal growth, challenging yourself, nurturing yourself, etc.
You find people in communities, so be a part of communities that are aligned with your values or interests. At the same time, build a loving community around you, where you are met with love and which has capacity to hold love
Four simple steps towards love. This is the bases of our coaching and matchmaking programmes at https://lemarcthomas.com/. We are humbled by how this has helped many of our clients and we are excited to share it with you.