Relate Love Lab #21
How to manage your hot buttons – Getting to the roots of your trigger points
Did you know that your biggest longing is linked to your biggest fear?
We can explore this important question by examining how we get triggered in our relationships. Think of what pushes your “hot buttons” in the worst way. And the intensity of that experience. It turns out that that intensity is driven by the things you fear the most. They are intense because you’re working so hard to hide or avoid some of your worst fears - which are also intense. The amount of emotional reactivity that a hot button ignites correlates with the fear of a deep need not being met.
In this workshop, we’ll explore the traps that you fall into when your button gets pushed. The defensive - and protective - mechanisms that you’ve created and “practiced” over many years drop you deeper into a downward spiral of blaming and judging. It’s a difficult habit to break. The primary way out is to get underneath your reactivity and find out what needs have been neglected.
There’s more going on of course. In any relationship, a common shared energy field gets created. Often our reactivity from a triggering event creates a polarizing effect with your partner - meaning that you “channel” or act out a feeling the other is not able to express. We will explore how this co-creation takes place, and how in fact it can be a helpful thing.
Join us in this exploratory journey, where you will reveal the real story behind your triggers.
We’ll look at:
1. What is “mask behavior” and what is its purpose?
- How we use blame toward ourselves and/or the other to avoid what needs to examined
- Avoidance - confront our unwillingness to experience difficult emotions and to be vulnerable
2. Find comfort with and build a partnership with our emotional reactivity
- Discover the value (protective) and nature (temporary) of difficult emotions
- Discover the needs beneath your difficult emotions
- Learn to work with reactive feelings: allow them, metabolize them, in order to move beyond them.
3. Consider 5 basic needs that are the basis of self-care from a body developmental perspective
Daniela and Chris will be offering a follow-up workshop in March: “Let’s have a good fight!”- Moving from what are you fighting ABOUT to what are you fighting FOR More info coming soon.
PS. We wish to see many of you dare to use the camera and we also hope that you who are in a relationship take a date together on the couch with one (1) shared screen. The evening will not include any break-out rooms until the conclusion, then those of you who have a desire to catch up may stay and round up together.